Pain With a Side of Uncomfortableness

Yesterday's Lunch

Still no shower.

Things have been a little rough the past couple of days. My pain has increased as well as my dizziness and tiredness.

I remember before I got sick I prided myself on the fact that I never took naps. Now there are days where I do nothing but nap, or at least it feels that way.

I had intended to spend more time downstairs today but the pain and fatigue got so bad that I came upstairs around one in the afternoon and haven't been back downstairs today. It's almost midnight now so I really doubt I'll be going down there unless there's an emergency in the next 13 minutes.

On the good side of things my low-carb, ketogentic-like diet seems to be working pretty well. It's not quite the ketogenic diet (or "keto") and I've been prone to calling it "cheato." Instead of focusing on keeping my carbs under 100 per day I tend to eat things that aren't processed carbs like bread or pasta. I've avoided rice and potatoes. I'll eat fruits and vegetables pretty regularly but try to stay away from most other carby things. The pork I had tonight had some seasoned flour on it but not much. I'm not cutting it out completely; just mostly.

The diet isn't for weight loss. I've decided that I'm a big guy and I don't particularly care. If I do lose weight  then that's an absolutely fine thing to have happen but all I really care about is keeping my blood sugar under control. The diabetes isn't going to go away and I'll probably be on insulin forever but if I can keep things in acceptable levels I'll be okay with that.

Fried foods are fine, f'real!

As for my to do list I realized that I did everything but shower and brush my teeth today. I can go fix one of those things.

...

Teeth have now been brushed. The shower will have to wait but hopefully tomorrow I'll have the energy for that.

Here's what I'm hoping to get done tomorrow:

• Meds
• Recording all food
• Recording all blood sugars
• Shower
• Shaving my head
• Spend time downstairs watching daughter so that my wife can sleep in on her day off

Progress Progressively Progresses

Chester is a good cat.

Tomorrow is Wednesday, which is both a big day of relaxing because the babysitter stays longer to pick up my daughter from school and a more difficult day because my wife has to go into work instead of working from home so I'm on my own.

I'm going to rest as much as I possibly can as I've had a couple of quite difficult days. My aches and pains are achier and panier, my abilities are less abilified. My wordiness has become word salad. I know I barely do anything during the day as it is but I need some time to rest even more than I usually do.

Despite things being a bit worse than normal I've kept up with my very simple list. I've brushed my teeth daily, gotten downstairs, logged all my foods, and taken all my meds. It's a good list and one that at least helps me feel like I'm accomplishing something every day, no matter how small.

Tomorrow I will keep my regular list and add a thing to it. This thing will not appear big to any able-bodied person but it's a pretty damn big deal for me these days and can be more tiring than going out or climbing the stairs an extra time or two. See if you can figure out which one it is.

• Brush teeth
• Record all meals
• Take all medicine
• Record insulin and blood sugar reading
• Shower

Happy April Fool's Day

Eggs in dye-filled mason jars. An egg sits in purple dye.

I was thinking tonight about all the things I want to learn or relearn and all the foods I want to eat. All the things I want to experience.

I was thinking about this and trying not to think about how much of my future life has been taken by my disabilities. The things I could have done before or could have done later if these problems hadn't surfaced.

This isn't a sad post but that's a little bit of context to where I'm coming from.

This morning I cuddled with my wife for the first time in a very long time and when our daughter joined us we all cuddled up as a family. Afterward we went downstairs and my daughter and I dyed Easter eggs while my wife made breakfast for everyone.

It was idyllic.

After the eggs were dyed and the breakfast eaten we went to the dog park with our amazing dog, Kaylee, and let her run off some of her energy. This was my first trip to the dog park and it's an absolutely amazing place for her but unfortunately I won't be going there by myself any time soon even if I am able to start driving: It's almost all grass and muddy which is bad for my wheelchair.

Kaylee at full run in the park. She had a really good time.

Which is understandable, don't get me wrong! It's a dog park so of course they try to limit it to natural turf to save the paws of the pups! I think it's great and I love that this place exists, I just don't see me using it as a resource any time soon. It's absolutely huge and beautiful and I'm glad my wife can bring Kaylee out to run off all her puppiness.

I had to cut that time out a little short and when we got home I hauled myself up the stairs and have been in bed since then. That was at about noon and it's approaching 10 PM now. I'll be here until tomorrow and hopefully tomorrow I'll be good enough to spend some time downstairs. It changes from day to day.

Most of the day I ate low carb foods, which is important because I am an insulin-using diabetic and I need to try and keep my glucose levels under control. I'd like to do a majority of this through diet but it can be difficult when you're mostly not in charge of your own diet. My wife does a great job but there's so much pressure on her that dinner often becomes a mix of whatever's easiest and in our society we've prioritized carbohydrate-laden food as the easy, inexpensive meals. Most all carbs skyrocket my blood sugar levels and I could probably do better controlling my intake but it's taken me 38 years to get to where I am so I'm not going to change overnight. I like food and I like a lot of it. Now I just have to eat the right stuff and I should be doing better.

The right stuff?

I journal a lot. I like to record my life and I like to be able to look somewhere for backup and reassurance to let me know I'm going in the direction I want to be going. That is what cued me to start writing this journal.

I don't foresee most posts being long-form like this as the journal is mostly just for myself but at the same time I genuinely enjoy writing so maybe I will keep doing it this way. We'll see.

What I do envision is a bullet-point-style list every day or so detailing what I want to be working on to make my life better and easier. This will be keeping in mind my disabilities, trying to push me at least slightly to improve without pushing me so much I exhaust myself and make life harder on everyone, and hopefully keep me on track for my little and big goals.





Tomorrow:

• Brush teeth
• Try to stay low carb
• Record all meals
• Take all meds
• Record blood sugar readings
• Go downstairs 

Long Term:

• Cook
• Laundry
• Dishes